Women's "Values"
Now this might sound odd coming from a woman, but the fact is, I can't stand women that date jackasses and don't understand why they get burned. The kind of women that think in no way could it be an issue that THEY have, it has to be that the man just is a bad guy. Ever heard a woman say "I just seem to attract bad men"? But they never stop and look to see if it really is THEM, or THEMSELVES.There are women, many many women, with a "savior" complex. They see a man that's down on his luck, a little "rough around the edges", violent, drunk, high, whatever, and they, even if it's not consciously, think "I can save him."
News flash ladies, no one can save ANYONE from THEMSELVES. There are men out there that will use you, abuse you, and dump you without a look back. The problem is, you have to understand what kind of men you're attracted to.
Bad boys won't get you anywhere, neither will those that wallow in self pity. If you find this is the kind of man "you're attracting" (aka you're attracted TO, since you're the one that is dating this guy) it's probably a good idea to become conscious of this. Make conscious choice of who NOT to be involved with, no matter temptation.
The reason I guess I'm ranting about this, is because a dear friend, closest thing I have to a sister, got dumped again for the sixth time in the last 365 days by a "serious" boyfriend. She's attracted to "bad boys." (I throw in the self pitying lazy ones too. They're "bad" to me.) If a man drags you down... why be with him? It's supposed to be uplifting, not bogging you down.
I also get furious at women that just straight into a serious relationship with a man. First, this scares the hell out of most men, and the ones it doesn't scare are either truly the one, looking to get laid, or are simply psychopath stalkers. I personally lean to the second one (and the third...).
It's so important to be FRIENDS with a guy. Why don't women understand that? You have to understand who this man is, his values, his beliefs, his goals in life, and if they can fit with yours, before you just throw your heart to him. You won't find a perfect man. They don't exist, but you can find one that's perfect for you.
Bottom line is simple. Don't expect perfection, but strive for it. Know what you want and what you're willing to live with. Know how you feel about yourself. Know you. Then, and only then, find a man that fits into your life and your heart.
Love isn't something to be thrown away on some jackass. Neither is your time. I wish that my friends, my "sisters", my family, could understand that you don't have to settle. That you can't change people. And that sometimes you have to blame yourself. I'm tired of seeing the women I love so deeply getting trashed by something I'd scrape off the bottom of my shoe, because they think that's what they want, what they deserve, that they can change him.
When is it that women will understand how valuable they really are?
posted by dreaminglily @ 11:36:00 AM
3 Comments:
It's an excellent question, lily. I know that I had to learn the hard way that sometimes, it's just wrong to stay.
Learning to see your own self-worth is hard for some of us. It's unfortunate, but there are a lot more of us who have to learn the hard way. :(
You are so right. It's amazing how tempting it can be to throw away self-respect, self-preservation, self-esteem, simply to have a guy. I've definitely been guilty of this, but have resolved to do so no more! Being alone is lonely, but it's better than being treated like crap.
Amen, my sistah.
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